Two years ago, around the same time this year, I was laid off from my job. I had worked at the same company (albeit in several different roles) for 15 years when it happened. I started when I was 19 and at the time I told myself it was only temporary. Years down the line I was making decent money and had a good house and a nice car. I lived very comfortably even if I wasn’t doing what I thought I wanted to do. I liked the team I was with at the time; we gelled so well and enjoyed working with each other. I wasn’t even thinking of next steps for a career, really. Continue reading → Oops, They Did It Again
So the holidays (or holiDAZE, amirite? Hahahahaha, I’m sorry) are rapidly approaching and in the past I’ve been blessed (#blessed) to have this be a happy, cherished time of the year. I’ll admit right out that I’ve never really celebrated the religious aspects. It’s never been the big draw for me. Continue reading → I Wish You Love
I was lurking around the Twitterverse a little while back and wasting time, as is my want when work is slow and dull, when I saw a post of epically dumb proportions. Dumb tweets are nothing special: there are probably more of those than there are dust mites in our beds. However, l felt compelled to respond to this one in particular because it was a statement I had heard at several points in the past. Continue reading → Tell Me Where is Depression Bred, in the Heart or in the Head?
It’s bad when I decide to get out of the house and head to a coffee shop (any coffee shop), but when I get there I don’t talk to anyone and spend every last second feeling like every set of eyes is on me. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself there’s no way that EVERYONE is looking at me. That it’s self-centered to think that way (I’m not that important, really I’m not). I still can’t stop feeling awkward and unusual and lonely and scared. I pack up my backpack (if I even go into the coffee shop to begin with) and walk to my car and realize that I barely talked to three people all day (all to do with work) and that I haven’t actually touched another human being – actual, physical touch – in a week. The next day, I go out again to try and make some kind of contact but the result is always the same (because I am always the same). And this isn’t the worst. Continue reading → When It’s The Worst
Boy, has it been a while since I’ve been on here. I’ve been busy finding myself (turns out I was hiding in the couch cushions the whole time (I’m so sorry for that, please forgive me)). And maybe it wasn’t that I was busy finding myself but finding my way through and maybe just a little bit afraid of all the things I wrote before. I even thought maybe I should just delete this and start all over with another blog but screw it. My habit of quitting things because they aren’t perfect is something I need to break. Continue reading → Turns Out I Was Just Mostly Dead
I got a new job. I started last week. It’s a manager position. That’s something to get excited about. So why have I come home every night and gone straight to bed to sleep off a headache, or grabbed so much food that I know I’ve eaten myself a little closer to death, or tried desperately to avoid writing this (or anything)? Continue reading → Tangled Up in Blue